Wherever you are right now reading these love letters, please know that I am missing you. Hopefully, nothing unfortunate ever had to happen that I could not watch you grow. Because honestly, dying would be a whole lot bearable than not seeing your wonders fold right into my eyes. I think I have told you ceaselessly how much I love you but I am pretty sure I always feel the need to insist that I love you more each coming day. I love you so much, my light. You have served true to your name; becoming a beacon of light to everyone around you, especially to me.
However, there are things needed to be sacrificed having a child so young -- or just by having a child. Like how we had to be left at home because of your burning fever. Daddy, Tita Kym and Tita Dei went out for Starbucks and movie and even if I am dying to go, I could not just leave you at home. Not without your yaya and especially not with your condition. Which is why I just thought of making you a good old e-letter while I make a complete emotional version of Mama, listening to 8tracks, writing and glancing at you back and forth. You know light, just by the mere thought of you could make me cry AND that means something because I hardly ever cry. Ask your Titas and your Ninangs. I was never a cry baby and yet when I imagine you handing me roses every Valentine's just puts me on my knees. I know that there will be so many good days together. And I cannot wait. Which is kind of ironic since I do not want you to grow just yet!
I wish I could tell you enough that the things I had to let go of are never the things you have to be indebted to me. A child doesn't owe to its parents the things they had to sacrifice because that is how it should be. That particular freeze in time that a mother knows she is carrying a little nugget is absolutely the last time in her life that she thinks solely of herself. At least that is how it is for me. And I wish that it is the same with everybody else. We all deserve amazing parents. Especially you. Especially my Lior. A child could never choose their parents but I wish that if you were given the chance, you would still choose me.
I hope you understand that even if I had you so young, I tried with the best of my capabilities to be better than 30-year-olds know-how. It is never about the age, my love. It is about passion and love. If there is only thing that I am deeply frustrated about our situation right now is how I don't have a loaded bank account yet. But we will come to that one day, and I promise you that you never have to even ask me to buy you things because the moment you get home from school, you will find an iPhone 25 sitting on your bed or a Macbook Super Pro on your table. I will give you everything you want and more. Just wait. I hope, though, that this doesn't make any negative on your attitude because I have no tolerance for brats. But as long as you don't spend too much time with your lola, we are good. Haha.
P.S. Mum spoils you like crazy. But that deserves another post.
With all the love in the world and so so so much more,
Love love love always, Mama
