Dear Lior,
There has been a devastating news about how a boy wanted to fit in so much, he died because of it. I know that the feeling of always wanting to belong sometimes take the best of us. I have read of it a thousand times already. Psychology tells us and proves to us that we are all social beings; we need the company of each other to live and I am all for that. However, I do not think that dying young because of it will ever make sense. Especially now that I am a parent, everything seems to be in a different light.
I tremble with fear when I heard about the sad news of a student who died from hazing. It gives me chills that it could have been anyone's child who thought that is just some manly practice of audacity. You see what happened, my love, was he wanted to be part of this certain brotherhood so much that he thought that getting beat up for it as an initiation was worth it. Imagine how a certain decision can change your life. It was just one decision. Clearly influenced by friends, he thought that he was going to survive. What kind of people condone beating up just so you can be part of them? Robert Cialdini, a psychologist, explained that the harder it is to get into a group, the more the members of it will value loyalty. The better question is, IS IT WORTH IT? Nothing that dehumanizing is ever going to be worth it.
Hopefully, the kids of your generation will make better decisions. Mostly when choosing friends. I have handful of friends, Buling, but they are all good fruits you will be proud of Mama. I am pretty sure most of them are your ninangs. I digress. My love, I hope you can promise to me that whenever you're making decisions, regardless of how minute it is, you will always think thrice. I pray that you will never find reasons in joining a fraternity or "brotherhood" when you're older because it will not bring you any good. Never affiliate yourself with people who are willing to hurt other people guiltlessly because they are definitely of the worst kind.
I am not saying that is solely the child's fault of this fatal incident. Nor am I saying that the people who killed him are not guilty. Never. It doesn't matter under what light you try to look at it, hazing is a poor excuse made by weak people. I will never tolerate such harmful idiosyncrasies but had he (an 18-year old boy) not made that one wrong decision, his parents would not have been lamenting over burying a child. Remember that a parent should never outgrow their children. The children grieves over losing a parent but never the other way around. I do not even want to imagine the agony they're feeling, much more the guilt that will always haunt them thinking if they had done something wrong or had they been a better parent.
It kills me to think that this is happening all over the world and how helpless a stranger like me can be. All I can do is pass to my child my values against it and wish that it will make a ripple effect. Several reports are made known via internet and news albeit I am pretty sure there are a million more are remaining undisclosed. These children usually die from an organ failure; their body didn't survive being put through so much pain. We have people suffering from cancer, literally fighting death just for another sunshine. Meanwhile, we have these kids who are willing to get killed just so they can be friends. How fantastic. (I hope you recognize the sarcasm) Anyway, I do not think that passing anti-fraternity laws will ever make a change because it is with consent of both parties. Which is why it all boils down to making right decisions at the right time. And hopefully, you will always make yours.
Never forget that if you are ever feeling lonely, you have me. You will always have me.
Love Always,
Mama
