I was making my plates this morning when the monitor died on me. Which I think is quite funny as I feel like I have some curse when it comes to LCDs. (iPad 2, iPad Mini, Macbook, Samsung s4 then this - also the same reason why I shy away using anyone else's gadget) Anyway, so I spent the hours while you were sleeping watching tons of informative Youtube videos as I have nothing else to do.
It started with All the things we thought wrong about addiction from Youtube's Most Popular video then I searched for videos explaining how cancer works because honestly, it is something I would very much want to be knowledgable about.
Cancer scares me a lot, love. In mum's side of the family, we already have several relatives dying from breast cancer. I reckon that in general, what scares me most about cancer is the thought of you growing up without a mother. Or me living a life full of grief. The idea alone leaves me terrified.
I digress. So I learnt that cancer is basically just rapid growth of bad cells and its selfish want to take over your body. I cannot imagine your own body betraying you. I believe it is the worst kind of betrayal cause your own body should protect you and help you. And sometimes, regardless of how much you take care of yourself, these bad cancer cells just keep coming back. And how unfortunate is that, my love? Some people only learn to take care of their body once that it has been damaged with cancer. However, let us not be those people, my love. Let us not take something for granted and only appreciate it when we're on the verge of losing it.
When you get a little older, we will run marathons and have checkups so regularly the smell of hospital will start to annoy you. I will feed you all the green leafy vegetables until you make a habit out of eating them yourself. We will all do the things people do to boost their immune system and keep their bodies healthy because I never want to spend a day without you. Because no parent has to.
Even then, I wish that you will make the decision yourself to take care of your body. I take it care for you now. I make sure you take your vitamins, you drink only the best milk. you go to hospital when needed. Your papa and I make sure you are well vaccinated and have your booster shots when necessary.
I hope you never have friends that will ask you to put yourself in danger because of pressure or that you never live a day contemplating if keeping yourself healthy is really worth it because that will just literally break my heart. You are worth absolutely everything, my love. And all of the love combined from everyone else surrounding you isn't even enough to explain it.
All I want to say is that you have to take better care of yourself. And if you do not find the enough reasons to do so anymore, you come find me because I will spend my entire lifetime just telling you why.
I will lay all my organs side by side just to prove the love I have inside for you.
*that's gross, mama* I know, Lior, so don't ever test me.
Love always,
Mama
