Dear Lior,
I always think of wanting to go back in time. But changing one thing might mean altering everything. And I cannot risk not having you - not in this lifetime, not in the next hundred more.
Although starting this letter that way, I think it's only fair I should tell you about the things I would have exerted better efforts in.
Like school.
I would have studied better. Back in high school, I never would have considered myself smart. I was average. I barely studied. I never really flunked any class nor had to go on a remedial. I didn't even get any line of 7's but that's only because dad might get angry. It was not about reaching some personal quota, or ambition. If I recall it correctly, I think I was asked to step out of the class more than I ever was commended for anything scholarly.
I would have studied better so I could have more open and better choices when it comes to choosing universities. I would have applied to the best univeristies, more quota courses. I would not have been limited to stick to what my Form 137 could afford me.
Or like knowing myself better. Or at least trying.
I know you're not really supposed to know anything about yourself at age 16. But I never really tried exploring things or do anything that could remotely help. When I met your papa, my entire world revolved around him. It shifted. I could not focus in class because I was looking forward to the weekends too much.
It was terrible.
High school is about paving the first few steps to adulthood. Instead, I pushed myself way way back that I got out of track. Not that I blame him, or the 16-year old me. But I wished I knew better. I wish someone told me.
So here I am. Telling you these things in hopes that it could change something in you. Read more books, hang out with your friends, take more classes, learn an instrument or a language, travel. Embrace everything and roll with it.
I love you, Lior.
I'm going to support you through whatever.
Always, Mama
