Dear Lior,
It's funny how I'm in a relationship with your father who I love immensely and not believe in marriages or forever. It's sickening sometimes, my disbelief in everything. My parents' marriage ruined everything completely and I know that they didn't like the aftermath of the changes their decisions brought but that is what life is. I just hope that one day, everything was worth it. You know, most days I feel like I've completely moved on from it and sometimes, constantly admitting yourself something helps but unfortunately sometimes it doesn't. And what makes me realise this is when your father and I talk about marriage.
Of course, we've talked about it. We have you and a seven year old relationship. And still, if he asks me right now I would have said no. And it's never because I don't believe in him that way to commit myself into something serious as such but it's just that my fears of having a failed marriage is bigger than the want of being in one. I don't know. It's sad. I hate it. But this is how I adapted.
I hope that my decisions in life won't drag you into something traumatic because as much as I love myself, it is incomparable to my love for you. I will sacrifice the things I love for you. On any day. Everyday. And I hope you believe me and I hope you know.
One day, you're going to fall in love and you're going to get hurt and I'm going to try not to kill the girl because that is what this is all about. Experiences. And how we grow with them. Do not worry. You're never to be alone. I'm going to be there every step of the way. Whether you like it or not.
With you always,
Mama
